GrayShade: a Story of Hope
By Kathy Craddock Leftwich
“Carve a tunnel of hope through
the dark mountain of disappointment.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
He wiped the tears from His eyes, sighed a bit too heavily, and knocked the dust off of His sandals. Slipping his feet inside, He stood, squared His shoulders as He had done many times before, and raised His gaze to the horizon. The sun was setting, filling the sky with color and brilliant light. Always interesting how bright the sun was just before it dipped below the edge of the earth and slipped away. Another sigh and He was on his way. One foot in front of the other, another step ahead. So many more steps to go.
2019
GrayShade, aka Gray, sat atop the St. Louis Arch, legs swinging, hair blowing in the wind. Gray had been in the city for a few days, positioning herself around, watching, waiting. The vote had come and gone, the delegates were on their way home, tears shed, applause still ringing in Gray’s ears.
The real work was ahead. Gray knew this, as did her LGBTQ+ friends and colleagues. This was a blow but not irredeemable. Gray knew that the work ahead was going to be hard, and there would be many road-blocks along the way. The time was now to come together as one, to exemplify the love of God to all people.
It was important to stay, not run, and certainly not the time to argue or place blame. It was important to come together, determine what steps were needed and when. First-up was to ensure that all people knew that they are children of God, valued and loved for who they are.
Gray slowly glided to the street below. Others oblivious to her, as was her preference, she began to make her way through the streets and crowds to the meeting place. The sun was shining. Good. Anything positive on this day.
The wind picked up, and, as she rounded a corner, she noticed that the crowd had too. Odd. This street was usually pretty empty and quiet. The warehouses that lined the street could have been abandoned, but were not. Inside the brick buildings were vibrant businesses, co-operatives, research labs, and agencies for public policy, social change, and justice—human rights. Here Now was housed in one of the larger warehouses, a nice sized space that was quickly filling up with staff and volunteers, ready to begin work where ever they were needed.
GrayShade loved this space. Her work began years ago in another place and during another time. An internship one summer gave her the chance to begin her work with Here Now and find herself in the midst of great change. It turned out to be her place, just where she fit in, and she thrived. This was not the type of “move up the corporate ladder” that many were familiar with. She’d risen to many an occasion, showing her strength and perseverance throughout. She never thought of herself as a leader—she wanted to do what was right and fight for those who could not easily fight for themselves.
From time to time she’d take on more responsibility and she was always willing to move, never satisfied to stay in one place for long. When she accepted the position of director at Here Now, she made sure that she’d be able to continue the work that meant so much to her and not be mired down with administrivia. She made it clear she’d need to move around, live temporarily in some places, never having one home. And it worked. Gray took the position when offered and kept on. The motto “We are HERE ~ NOW is the time” never felt more important.
Walking to the back of the office she shared with other organizers, Gray looked at the Status Board to see where they were in their work with the church. All over the country, teams like Gray’s had organized. They wanted to make certain that they presented their information consistently. The time was right to move ahead with the plans that were made.
And move they did. In a few months there would be a chance to flood the floor again, with new voices and a newness of spirit, ready to take on the assembly and rally for change. Another change. A better change.
For several months since that day of disappointment Here Now had spent their time developing their mission of getting the votes needed to overturn the language of The Discipline, removing doubt and fear, taking away the hurtful language and the stiff penalties to those who followed the teachings of Jesus and faithfully included everyone everywhere. Support was mixed after the first votes. Many wanted to leave, to start anew, to break away from the places that allowed such hurt and discrimination. Keeping those voices active and engaged had been hard.
Gathering those who disagreed with the votes earlier in the year, yet remained quiet within their local congregations was a challenge. They were asking for and getting commitment and support, but having them add their voice to the delegation wasn’t as easy a task as they’d thought. So many people were willing to support, but from the sidelines. “I’d love to help, I think this decision was a great injustice, but I don’t have anyone directly involved,” was heard far too often. Educating those who considered themselves unaffected was high on the list of things to do. After all, it’s so easy to step back and let others do the work if you feel that you don’t have a stake in the game.
Here Now was moving through churches, small and large, representing those whose lives had been shattered. So many evenings had been spent sharing stories of hurt and disappointment, of faith and growth, of hope of things to come. Gray and those working across the country found that, as they stood up and showed up, more and more began to feel the inclusion that was swirling around them. People began to see them for who they were, not who they thought they were. Lines and boundaries were smudged, sometimes erased. Voices joined together in prayer, in song, and finally in a rallying cry of inclusion. Inclusion. No more exclusion.
Their work continued with others who invited and included the LGBTQ+ community into active roles within the church. For many, this was new. They’d been to church before, many were lifelong members of churches, but always held back, not often having a leading role in the church. Under the guidance of church staff and from the volunteers at Here Now, the community was growing and establishing a larger presence in churches across the country. The presence wasn’t always quiet either. As more stepped up and stepped in, ideas and visions were discussed and changes were beginning to be made. It’s amazing what can happen when one realizes that the table is open to all and is set with grace and forgiveness.
So much work had been done and it would continue regardless of the outcome of the next assembly. In a few short weeks, council members, legal teams, delegates from churches across the globe would stand and speak again, some supporting the proposed legislation, some hoping that language and rules would be struck down, erased from the books, and a new day of inclusion would dawn.
He smiled softly as He watched GrayShade enter the church. It had been a long time. She moved quietly toward the altar and found a space in an open pew. His feet were firmly planted in front of Him, not needing to move just yet. The light from the windows filled the space with every color of the rainbow. As if she knew He was there watching her, Gray looked His way, smiled softly.
It had been difficult for her to spend as much time as she had in church. Always welcoming, yes, but always a feeling of something not being quite enough. When the vote came in earlier in the year, she realized what it was. “Yeah, come on in, we’re open, we love you…but we can’t quite claim to be equal.” Sure, it was unspoken, no one had ever actually said words like that to her, or to anyone she knew. It was the quiet implication that the differences were just enough to keep up the barriers.
A deep breath, an unseen nod from across the room, the beginning strains of music, and she was almost comfortable. Try to stop thinking and just be. Take an hour away. Their relationship was different, good, steady. He was there always; Gray was there most of the time. He’d been present now more than in the past and Gray knew it was because she needed His presence. Gray needed His steadiness and certainty. She had always known He was with her, even when she had tried to push Him away.
The Assembly
He watched intently as the delegates flooded the building. He smiled softly as he saw Gray enter the arena. Planting his feet firmly in front of him, as if ready to spring into action, He realized that there was no action for Him to take at this moment. The action was happening all around Him. He would wait and watch…
The work was done. Stories shared, people introduced, speakers ready. They had their delegation and their legal teams. Here Now was ready.
As the assembly was called to order GrayShade felt a renewed energy among those gathered about her. They knew the days ahead would be long. But today, this day, there was a lightness, a freshness as if the doors and windows had been blown open, and new life was being breathed into the space. For a moment there was silence. Did others feel this? Was there new life here? Was this going to be sacred space as the weeks’ work progressed?
One by one speakers walked to the microphones and shared their stories, the concerns they had brought with them from their congregations. There were quotations, poems, shared stories, new voices. For two days this was the experience as dozens of speakers had their few minutes of fame. The momentum never ceased. The charge and energy remained intense and omnipresent.
On the third day, the legal teams began their presentations. First one side restated what had been introduced months before. After lunch, the other side noted those items that were unconstitutional, pointed out the illegalities, and began their work of showing how change could occur. Back and forth the delegates shouted their dismay or approval, interrupting when they could to share a point. Through it all, the council listened, noted points, murmured among themselves. By the end of a long day, cases were rested, books were closed, notes were neatly stacked and prayers were said. The council would gather and report back the next morning.
For those new to the system the idea that a decision could be made so quickly was frightening. This was the way it was. The delegates were allowed ample time to speak and share their views, the council listened and took notes, then, time’s up, the bell tolls and it’s time to stop. This time, the council did not return as quickly as some thought. GrayShade and her delegation wondered what this meant. Was this a good sign? Would they work through the night?
Morning. The council began in prayer and meditation, keeping doors closed and risking little that would give away their decisions. Delegates gathered, talked, prayed, shared stories and continued to wonder. Gray wanted to be outside. So many days in this arena was too much. She wanted to sit among the clouds and watch from above. As she looked around the arena, she saw how many were looking back to her, watching her for some reaction.
And then, rather quickly and almost unexpectedly, the council returned, took their seats, and the great arena is quiet. The decision is here.
She could hardly wipe the smile from her face. She breathed deeply and sank her feet into the soft grass. The sun was rising and filled the sky with a beautiful light. Soft clouds dotted the sky, a gentle breeze blew scattering soft, pink petals in the air covering her hair and clothing. Two years earlier she wondered, as did many, what would happen.
The decision came back: the Discipline would be changed; the language, the hate, the punishments would be removed; churches would be free to make their own decisions without fear of repercussion; options to leave were erased; the church is proclaimed to be a church that will work to unite all who come and to provide for them all the same opportunities, regardless of…of anything. “We are HERE ~ NOW is the time” to begin uniting all.
Two years ago, she wondered where she’d be, and how many more steps she’d have to take. Today she knew. She would always continue her walk, some days along a dusty path towards those thirsting for God’s grace and love. Other days, like today, her journey was a bit easier.
Slipping her feet into her sandals, shoulders squared, she moved on, knowing the work would always continue. And many others would walk alongside her.